Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Rose Colored Glasses :)

Everything I have done in life has been at full speed, with passion and many times premature.  I had kids at an  early age, got married in my teen years, was diagnosed with colon cancer at 34, so it shouldn't surprise me that the side effects of chemo should appear early as well.  My 2nd round of chemo literally knocked me down.  I understand the purpose of chemo is to attack the cancer cells but I think it went a little too far.  Along with every side effect listed on the information sheet given to me at my initial visit to the oncologist, I spent my past 9 days with shocking pain throughout my entire body, 36 hours paralyzed (arms and legs), and have now developed mystery bruising (in my belly button and around my waist).  After several tests and talking with the surgeon and oncologist, we still have no clue what the bruising is from.  On the plus side, they have now decided that I probably am not able to tolerate one of the two chemos they give me every two weeks.  Wow!  I don't have a medical degree, but it's not too difficult to figure that out. 

I have always tried to keep my sense of humor, no matter what the trial has been, but after 5 days in bed I found it hard to find anything amusing.  On the 6th day, I got a surprise visit from a friend and my boss.  It was just what I needed!  When they walked in they handed me these glasses and told me to put on my rose colored glasses.  Who knew a pair of kid's heart shaped glasses had so much power :)  Every time another mystery side effect comes along or when I get just plain discouraged, I simply put on my rose colored glasses and  deal with it.  I have realized laughter equals healing so if I'm going win this battle then I need to find something to smile about in all trials.  I think God may have known what he was doing when he blessed me with Kevin and the girls (and their enormous senses of humor). 

Sunday, October 23, 2011


August 8, 2011 is a day we will not soon forget.  4 short months after hearing that Kevin was cancer free (from testicular cancer), we heard those horrible words AGAIN, "It's Cancer."  This time it wasn't Kevin, it was me.  As I lay in that hospital bed, my first thoughts were "I do NOT have time for this and I do NOT want to fight this battle."  It only took one look at the 2 sets of watery eyes (Morgan and Hannah's) to realize that I had no choice but to fight.  I had signed on to be a mommy and my job was not anywhere near complete.  How would I find the fight within me to go through surgery, recovery, and chemo?  That's what I'm still trying to figure out.  There are many people who have gone through worse, but how can I find that same strength within me?  Will I ever find that strength?  Time will tell.