Monday, December 19, 2011

HaLf WaY!!!

As you can see, I changed the name of my blog :). I believe that "Let me just stew about it" is more appropriate right now (with my obsession of stew).

I just left the dr which means I just completed round 6!!!!! I'm halfway through this long journey. When I started this nightmare in August, I didn't know how I'd ever get through 1 round let alone 12. I asked everyone around me how survivors find the strength and courage to get up everyday and fight. I now know the answer... Lots of prayers, love, support, humor, and of course STEW!!! I have the best chemo stories and pictures and someday God will bless me with an assignment to use them. I can't wait for that day! This week I read a sign that said "The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.". After 35 years on this earth and about a million heartaches later, it has become my mission to figure out WHY. Im sure everyone around me wants to know why, but the medical doctors can not answer that question. This leads me to believe that there is a greater purpose for my life and I am ready to find out what that is.

I started chemo early this morning because I have an IMPORTANT date tonight... Hannah's band and choir recital. I have not missed anything of the girls's yet. I would love to make it through this without missing anything at all. Those girls are my world and reason for fighting. I'll have Picts to post hopefully by tomorrow.

This round is going to be extremely hard, I can tell already :(. Whenever I hear it pumping into me, I want to yank it out and run. The doctor said he's proud of how far I've come and I'm determined not to let anyone down. With Christmas break 2 days away, I should be able to blog way more (lucky all of you...jk).

We are almost home and it's time to rest before the program tonight. Enjoy every minute you have with your loved ones this season because things really can change in the blink of an eye.


Monday, December 5, 2011

I love stew!!!

After a 3 week break, it's time to start back on my treatments. Physically this has been a great break, but now I really don't want to go back. The last round was extremely hard on me for some reason. I keep thinking that by Christmas I'll be half way done and I can't wait to be to that point. This week my mom and dad are going with me so they get an idea of the routine I go through every 2 weeks. Wednesday is another day I'm dreading. I will have my picc line removed (it has quit working) and will have a central line put in through my chest. There always seems to be some kind of "bump in the road." However, I have a new love in my life. That's right... In the middle of all this turmoil, I have a new love for STEW. I didn't really like stew growing up but now I have to have it for breakfast, lunch, supper, and all snacks in between. It's not just a "fondness" for stew....I'm in LOVE!!! I tried to express my concern with my oncologist about my new obsession, but he said we'll deal with withdrawals after chemo is done :). In the meantime, I will continue on my road to recovery with a spoon in one hand and a bowl of stew in the other.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Rose Colored Glasses :)

Everything I have done in life has been at full speed, with passion and many times premature.  I had kids at an  early age, got married in my teen years, was diagnosed with colon cancer at 34, so it shouldn't surprise me that the side effects of chemo should appear early as well.  My 2nd round of chemo literally knocked me down.  I understand the purpose of chemo is to attack the cancer cells but I think it went a little too far.  Along with every side effect listed on the information sheet given to me at my initial visit to the oncologist, I spent my past 9 days with shocking pain throughout my entire body, 36 hours paralyzed (arms and legs), and have now developed mystery bruising (in my belly button and around my waist).  After several tests and talking with the surgeon and oncologist, we still have no clue what the bruising is from.  On the plus side, they have now decided that I probably am not able to tolerate one of the two chemos they give me every two weeks.  Wow!  I don't have a medical degree, but it's not too difficult to figure that out. 

I have always tried to keep my sense of humor, no matter what the trial has been, but after 5 days in bed I found it hard to find anything amusing.  On the 6th day, I got a surprise visit from a friend and my boss.  It was just what I needed!  When they walked in they handed me these glasses and told me to put on my rose colored glasses.  Who knew a pair of kid's heart shaped glasses had so much power :)  Every time another mystery side effect comes along or when I get just plain discouraged, I simply put on my rose colored glasses and  deal with it.  I have realized laughter equals healing so if I'm going win this battle then I need to find something to smile about in all trials.  I think God may have known what he was doing when he blessed me with Kevin and the girls (and their enormous senses of humor). 

Sunday, October 23, 2011


August 8, 2011 is a day we will not soon forget.  4 short months after hearing that Kevin was cancer free (from testicular cancer), we heard those horrible words AGAIN, "It's Cancer."  This time it wasn't Kevin, it was me.  As I lay in that hospital bed, my first thoughts were "I do NOT have time for this and I do NOT want to fight this battle."  It only took one look at the 2 sets of watery eyes (Morgan and Hannah's) to realize that I had no choice but to fight.  I had signed on to be a mommy and my job was not anywhere near complete.  How would I find the fight within me to go through surgery, recovery, and chemo?  That's what I'm still trying to figure out.  There are many people who have gone through worse, but how can I find that same strength within me?  Will I ever find that strength?  Time will tell.